My Father
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My father as of today (its 11:07 on Wednesday night) has been in the hospital for 3 weeks. His condition has been deteriorating and today he was given his last rites.
I feel I need to to share my memories of him and maybe help ease what I'm feeling right now. I know this probably doesn't belong on this blog but I want people to know him.
He was a great man even if it was just in my eyes. He had always been strict and not always fair but he did what was best for me and my sisters. He made mistakes in his marriage with my mom, but was a wonderful father. We had a game when he got home from work where I would go running down the hall from the front door to the back where he would be waiting and throw me up in the air. He always had a quarter for me when I wanted to play a pinball machine. He would always clean up my scrapes and bruises from playing in the street. He was always there to help when I had car trouble and taught me to change a flat tire. He gave me my love of movies and of classic actors like Charlton Heston, Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas and Cary Grant. He told me I should never depend on someone else to make me happy and taught me that self worth is the most important thing you can learn about yourself. And not a single day went by when he didn't make us feel loved or that we were his greatest accomplishments. Even up until the last vacation I took to Costa Rica he always tried to hide that tear in his eye at the airport. And I always tried to hide mine.
I'm grateful and happy for the 33 years that I got to spend with him. I'll always remember sitting together and watching some of his favorite movies and his hearty laugh at even the dumbest scenes. I'll cherish the memories of my dad the first time he saw me in my wedding dress and grateful that he was there to walk me down the aisle. I know it was a bittersweet day for him, that his "baby" was finally getting married. I'm thankful that I got to spend time with him 2 months ago, and see him smiling and laughing and even sharing drinks together. I'm glad I kept the last birthday card he gave me because its one of the few things I have left from him.
I wish we had more time together. I wish my last memories weren't of him in he hospital with tubes everywhere. I wish he could hold my babies. I wish I had a video of him so I never forget what his voice sounds like. I wish I could get one last hug. I wish he hadn't been so far away. I wish theses tears would stop
I wish this pain would go away. The pain in my heart that makes me want to bury my head in the pillow and just sob. But I know that not what my dad would want. But how can you let go of someone who has loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you? I'm not ready, not now at least. I don't think this is something you could ever be ready for.
Maybe wishes come true.
I feel I need to to share my memories of him and maybe help ease what I'm feeling right now. I know this probably doesn't belong on this blog but I want people to know him.
He was a great man even if it was just in my eyes. He had always been strict and not always fair but he did what was best for me and my sisters. He made mistakes in his marriage with my mom, but was a wonderful father. We had a game when he got home from work where I would go running down the hall from the front door to the back where he would be waiting and throw me up in the air. He always had a quarter for me when I wanted to play a pinball machine. He would always clean up my scrapes and bruises from playing in the street. He was always there to help when I had car trouble and taught me to change a flat tire. He gave me my love of movies and of classic actors like Charlton Heston, Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas and Cary Grant. He told me I should never depend on someone else to make me happy and taught me that self worth is the most important thing you can learn about yourself. And not a single day went by when he didn't make us feel loved or that we were his greatest accomplishments. Even up until the last vacation I took to Costa Rica he always tried to hide that tear in his eye at the airport. And I always tried to hide mine.
I'm grateful and happy for the 33 years that I got to spend with him. I'll always remember sitting together and watching some of his favorite movies and his hearty laugh at even the dumbest scenes. I'll cherish the memories of my dad the first time he saw me in my wedding dress and grateful that he was there to walk me down the aisle. I know it was a bittersweet day for him, that his "baby" was finally getting married. I'm thankful that I got to spend time with him 2 months ago, and see him smiling and laughing and even sharing drinks together. I'm glad I kept the last birthday card he gave me because its one of the few things I have left from him.
I wish we had more time together. I wish my last memories weren't of him in he hospital with tubes everywhere. I wish he could hold my babies. I wish I had a video of him so I never forget what his voice sounds like. I wish I could get one last hug. I wish he hadn't been so far away. I wish theses tears would stop
I wish this pain would go away. The pain in my heart that makes me want to bury my head in the pillow and just sob. But I know that not what my dad would want. But how can you let go of someone who has loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you? I'm not ready, not now at least. I don't think this is something you could ever be ready for.
Maybe wishes come true.
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